Casting Out Control

"I want you to choose a shell."

"How can I choose just one?" I asked. "They're all so different."

"Actually, why don't you take two," my writing teacher said to me, holding open a Ziploc bag full of shells of all different shapes, sizes, and colors, allowing me to pick through them. Last night was the last night of a 6-week workshop I've been taking, and only three of us were present: me, my instructor, and one other woman.

I decided on a small, dark, tightly wound shell and a lightly colored one that was more open and a little larger. After the other women had each chosen their two shells, the three of us stood in a circle, barefoot, around the candle that was lit in the middle of the room. "I want you to hold one shell in each hand," my teacher said to us. "In one hand is something you are ready to let go, and in the other is something you are going to allow to replace it once it's gone. I want you to take the hand in which you are holding the shell representing the thing you are going to let go. Now cast it out. And don't bring it back. Bring in the hand in which you are holding the other shell to take its place. Now we are going to join hands and you are going to say your first name and what it is you are letting go, and what you are going to allow into your life to fill its place. After you do that, we will all repeat your name and what it is you are allowing into your life."

My teacher started the exercise. Then it was my turn:
"I'm Allison. I'm letting go of Control. And in its place, I am going to allow Trust."

"ALLISON. TRUST."

After the other woman took her turn, the three of us hugged; then we blew out the candle. Our workshop had come to its final close. Before we went our separate ways that night, we discussed upcoming workshops, and my teacher said to us, "I encourage you to take the shell that represents what you are letting go to a body of water. Toss it out into the water. Keep the other shell as a constant reminder of what you are letting into your life."

So this afternoon, I am driving my new car downtown and tossing my shell into the Mighty Mississippi. It's time to stop clinging to what I think will make me happy and trust in what God will do through me and bring into my life when I open up myself to trust.